Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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