Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
