it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
