if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
