Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
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