We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
