I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
