Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize