Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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