My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
