I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
