the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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