He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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