put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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