Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
