U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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