The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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