I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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