Plan B is the new Plan A
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
