HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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