Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
