D3 body, D1 cock
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
