so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
