He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
