Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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