What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
