she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
