I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize