so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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