R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
