From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
