well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
