I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
