Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
