lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
A bitchslap is in order.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
