dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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