Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize