why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
