Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
