The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
