I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
