I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
