Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
