He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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