put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
