Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize