Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
