I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
