Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
