if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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