haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
