i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
