it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
