**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I puked a lego.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize