do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
