he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
