Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
