i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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