there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
