i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
