soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
