if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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