I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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