fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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