We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
