the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
