She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
