hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
