Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
