is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is it penis luge time yet?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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