haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
