Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
