I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
