Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
