I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
