Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
